Learning to be a Daughter

Micah 6:8 (Amplified)

“He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, and to love kindness and mercy, and to humble yourself and walk humbly with your God?”

I have had so much trouble with verses like this, particularly the part that says “do justly and love kindness.” It was a commandment that I always broke, a measurement that I never quite met. And it typically caused guilt and shame which kept me from experiencing the Fullness of what God wants to give me. And then I would try to control everything to appear like I was perfect but honestly on the inside I was dying of guilt and shame.

 But today I was thinking about it and I realized something; I am a Daughter. This is important because it counteracts anything that would cause me to not be kind, like jealousy, pride, fear, etc. The fear that someone else is better than me and will therefore get to their destiny (or my destiny) faster than I will is done away with when I know in my heart that I am the Daughter of the King and Creator. He created my destiny, He won’t let anyone else have it. Not to mention, they have their own destiny to fulfill, their own part to play.

Once I have my foundations right, being kind and doing justly isn’t difficult. This releases me from trying to control my actions so that I appear kind. Instead, it is just an extension of who I am. Talk about Freedom! So now, my only job is to sit back and let Abba Papa reveal and teach my heart that I am a Daughter and He is a Good Father. Everything else will flow out of that heart understanding. And when I am having trouble loving kindness and doing justly, I know I only need to realign my heart with the truth. I am a Daughter, I have a destiny and purpose that can’t be stolen, I am priceless and irreplaceable.

Thank you Abba!! You are kind and loving and generous in all of your ways.

P.S. if any of this sounds familiar, and you would like to be free of guilt and shame and the constant need to control your appearance, all you have to do is ask Father God to reveal his true Father nature to your heart (not just your brain). And He will show up in ways that will blow your mind and break any misconceptions you might have had about Him. And sometimes we are unaware of how Un-Godly our beliefs are until He shows up. Also, I highly highly recommend AJ Jones’ book, Finding Father.


Day One of Outreach

Day1: I am overwhelmed, but happy. I realized that during this whole time of choosing Israel and raising money for this outreach, I was afraid that I wouldn’t love Israel when I arrived. Afraid that I would have to pull up my doer and be distressed the whole time I was here, that I would be serving out of striving and work versus love and rest. And this whole process leading up to the trip I have felt so disconnected to the whole thing and then felt guilty for asking people for money when I wasn’t even sure that I wanted to go. But I do want to be here! And I DO love/feel connected with the land.

Amanda,  no need to strive to serve. You are more than enough. Be yourself and Love God 


“Holiness, Stay Strong, Will You Provide?” Questions of the Heart

So, I worked tonight. And when I got off work, I wept. I wept because it was a hard day, because I wasn’t sure I was gonna make it, because I did finish, and I finished strong, because I made it through. And then I wept because I realized that I was carrying a weight, a burden of all the ways I had not performed well throughout the day. I wept because I was carrying the burden of all the times I had to strive to be the person, the character, the face, that I imagined I had to be, instead of being me. I wept because I strive.  I performed because I must. I realized that my heart still doesn’t believe in a Heavenly Father who will care about me or celebrate me, even when I suck. I wept because I am dealing with the same issues I have always had, because the enemy is a tricky SOB who gets in on technicalities. (What a jerk.) I wept because my head knows but my heart doesn’t. I wept because my heart is in distress. Its in Critical Care. I want my heart to be loved. I want my soul to be whole. Can you come and break down my walls, snuggle with my little unhealed heart, and love me back to life? Again? Daddy God, change my vision, my sight, to only reflect you, your Glory, your Power, your unyielding Love. You are worth it all. You are beautiful. You are right. ALWAYS. I love you. Goodnight.

Abba Papa:

“I will love you because I’ve always loved you. Because you are my heart, my jewel, my crown. You are the one I’ve redeemed and set free. I am the Redeemer for you, you alone. Come, let me embrace you and draw you, surround you with my Goodness and Innocence. My Peace surpasses all understanding. Leaps over all your fences. Your hope is in Me, provider and supplier of your strength. Renewing is on the way. Even now you may not perceive such a thing but your hopes and fears are not My hopes and fears. My Attention is not where you think it is. Be encouraged and set free in all things. Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is Freedom. You are my Joy and my Delight. I delight in being with you always. I will finish My Good Work in you. You are not alone, you are never alone. Let My Heart adorn you, allure you, seduce you out of the Land of Hardships and Trials. You are Mine forever more. Hardships won’t be hard anymore. Thay will be ships, carrying you to Greater Territory and Higher Land. You are Mine, forever more. No coercion needed. S**t will be there, you won’t see it. Or be in it. All eyes on Me. My Goodness guides on the darkest territory, in the slimiest places. Come little heart, I will Love you, Love on you. I will Protect and Provide your every need and desire. You are mine. You are answered and heard.”